Fear the coming of G.I.D.!

Yes, that's right. You heard me.
Fear the coming of G.I.D.!
What; or mayhaps, whom; do you ask is G.I.D.?
G.I.D. is Gracie Irene Daley. My brand new little niece. She was born on Jan. 20th of this year to my next-to-youngest brother Ryan (the esoteric one) and his lovely wife, Rachel (the one that keeps Ryan grounded). The wee little one is the first new Daley family member that we've had in over 15 years. She's cute as button, makes theses little cooing sounds, protests as opposed to cries, and is most likely going to end up just as insane as the rest of the bloodline. Despite Rachel's best efforts to keep the poor little one from going down the dark path of madness that all Daleys end up merrily dancing down, I fear that she will, in the end, be making just as many bad jokes, crude noises, and bizarre theories as the rest of us.
At the very least, she's as impatient as the rest of the family. She was born a week early, and (according to Ryan) when she decided it was time to be here," Whoop, there she was!" (Rather elegant for someone going for a "socio -something -or -another -with -a -theology -and -anthro -this -and -that" degree, ain't it?) I am very excited to be "Uncle Mat" for the first time, ever. (And not have it be an honorific presented to me by kids who just think that I'm the coolest person since Santa. This time it's because of blood.) I'm actually pretty excited to hear those words come out of her mouth. "Unca Mat" sigh... "Unca Mat, can I watch Heroes with you?" "Unca Mat, why does fear lead to the Dark Side?" "Uncle Mat, I'm pretty sure I made that saving throw, can you check the DC again?" I can't wait.
That being said... I really can't wait to hear the word "Daddy". My wife and I are both longing for "Mom" and "Dad" to be added to the long list of titles that we already wear. It's not easy being here in Utah, and struggling with infertility.
I will admit, when I was younger, I was foolish, and thought "Wouldn't it be great to go out in the world, and wait to have kids on my time table? To be able to do things without consequence?" Sadly, there are always consequences to actions. Here I am, overweight, struggling some nights to breathe lately, watching family and friends provide the future with something to remember themselves by... and I'm writing a blog that no one reads. My boys are as affective as a U.N. peace keeping force in the Middle East. It's not an easy realization to come to. For years my wife struggled with her own issues of infertility, joined a support site, and then, when I finally got tested... I'm probably more to blame for the situation than her. A difficult realization in deed. I sometimes think, at night, in the dark, what I did wrong to make this happen. I know that there are things to be done, and I'm starting to do them, but I fear that I may be too late. All I can do on somethings is pray.
Perhaps that's why I hide in my games. I fill my mind with other things. I bring joy to others, to mask my own struggles. At least, that's the hope I have. A laugh, a smile, a "that was a pretty cool game", all help me to forget the emptiness I feel, if only for a little while. If I can bring a chuckle to a few people, then I've done my job. I love storytelling. I will always love storytelling. I wish I could make a living doing it. I love the joy I feel when I've put in a good amount of work into a campaign, and watch it unfold, and have the players respond that they have had a great time.
I know that it may be trivial to some people. But this, for now, is my creation. This is my therapy, my little attempt to spawn something greater than myself into this world. Hopefully, it won't be the only thing that I spawn into this world.
Now.... if only I can find a few more books on pdf for my next section of my story arch....